“Perfection” to Depression to Freedom

The last blog I wrote, I was contacted by a lawyer telling me to take it down. That it was inappropriate. Really? Telling my story is inappropriate? I stood my ground and said no. No names were mentioned, they had no legal ground and I would not let anyone silence my voice! But I did… I haven’t written since then. Maybe it was knowing that my ex is reading everything that I was writing… (Come on, kinda creepy and a bit stalkery. Right, internet and out for the world to see.)

Or it could be because I’ve always worked so hard to not have confrontation. My whole life was about trying to be the perfect person so everyone would like me but in the end I never felt liked. Even when I was married I worked so hard to please my husband but nothing I did was ever good enough. I felt like I was set up to lose no matter what. Until… I stopped caring.

Why do we do that? Especially women. Try to please everyone? The answer is simple, we were raised that way. Our mothers were raised that way and they’re mothers before. Times are definitely different but breaking that cycle takes time. It is a lot of work to go against what you were taught.

By trying to please everyone, I became lost. The anxiety and depression I suffered with in my teens just got worse. I didn’t want to do anything. I did my best to be who I thought I was supposed to be but deep down life became dark.

Here’s the thing about emotions. You can put them in a box and decide you’re not going to feel them but they’re still there. And the more you shove into that box, the more crammed it becomes. At some point it is going to burst. Usually the burst is at the worst possible time and over the littlest thing.

“The straw that broke the camel’s back.” That saying is so fucking true.

Most of us have been there or are going through it right now. Do you feel lost in your emotions? Overwhelmed by feelings? Most try to find that quick fix. The magic pill that will take all the pain away. Going from doctor to doctor.

Let me tell you something, anyone who says they can help you quickly is full of shit! There is no quick fix. I went looking for a quick fix that ended up causing me more problems.

I can say now that I feel so good about who I am and the journey I’m still on. Does my anxiety show from time to time? Yes! Do I have days where I just feel sad? Yes! But here’s what has changed, those moments are shorter in length and longer between them. I now know they will come and go. When they come, I learn from them. For the most part, I’ve learned to embrace joy and find it in the little things.

So, how do you go from depressed/anxious to feeling fucking phenomenally joyful?

1. Feel your feelings!

2. Change your mindset

3. Find the right diet for you

4. Exercise

5. Try new activities and meet new people

These don’t have to be done in a specific order. They need to be done little bits at a time. But start with finding a therapist that you can talk openly with. It is so important to feel it and then let it go. I’ll share some of my experiences on all of these in coming blogs.

Now remember, I’m not a therapist. I have done some research for my own benefit. Everything I share is what has worked for me through trial, error, and so much failure but most of all, learning and trying again.

This is MeBeingMe. I’d love to learn about you!

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nikkynicolemebeingme

Continually learning about myself and the world around me. I have recently realized that we are all connected spiritually with each other and nature. Tapping into that connection has brought more joy and curiosity to me.

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