Depression and trauma can cause a lot of hardships. It affects the mind, body, and soul, causing harm to each of those. Neither have to define who you are or be in control of your life going forward. Will it always be there? Possibly. Do you have to be miserable forever because of it? No!
When I started to take control of my healing (both mental and physical) journeys, I searched online, read books, listened to podcasts, etc to learn everything I could. What I had been taught growing up, was not helping me so I needed to look elsewhere. I listened to anyone’s story who had overcome hardship. I took it all in. But be careful! Not everything is meant for you. Learn everything you can and try it, but implement only what is right for you. Think of who you want to be and how you want to feel in the future to help guide you.
One phrase I heard a lot that I ended up letting go of immediately was “everything that happens to me is my fault.” NO! I will not own that. I understand where they are coming from but they have never gone through abuse. For me, the phrase used to be triggering.
Too many times I was blamed for another’s actions or their emotions. Somehow they twisted the events to put blame on me. The action of another is not my fault. But don’t fall into the victim mindset. It can be so easy to allow that darkness to take over and blame everything on everyone else. The abuse isn’t your fault but getting out of victimhood is something you can do. It can take a lot of time but it can be done.
When I started the divorce process, I told myself, “I will not allow the actions of someone else keep me from having the amazing relationship I know I will have.” I was a bit focused on finding love again but with that statement, I took ownership of changing my patterns and healing the trauma I had faced as well as unlearning what was taught to me growing up. No one else was going to heal the wound within me, only I could do that. So I have rephrased my original statement to, “I will not allow the actions of others to keep me from having the amazing life I know I deserve.”
I am in control of the journey of my life. It isn’t about waiting for something to happen or someone to apologize or change. It is saying, right here, right now, I choose to take the steps needed to create the life I want. You can take ownership of your journey by doing what you can to heal. As soon as you take ownership, you will start to do the things you need to do for you.
Ownership: the state, relation, or fact of being an owner.Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Your life is yours. No one needs to give you permission to live it how you want to. Take control of your healing journey and work towards a life you want. Once I started taking ownership of everything I did, I noticed I was not wasting energy on paying attention to what others were or were not doing. Do not wait for someone else.
There are so many other areas of your life you can also decide to own but make healing your first step. All of the other things I did that helped me do not need to be done in order but ownership is definitely the first thing you need to do. Because until you own your journey, it can be really hard to not be stuck in the past.
Another time I can vividly remember taking ownership was when I was at my darkest moment before I had my second child. I didn’t want to live anymore, it hurt so much but I had a child who needed their mama. While I was on the floor of the kitchen, crying hysterically (because of a broken tea pot), I finally said I was done feeling this way. I was going to be happy. I started by finding the smallest things that brought me joy. You know what? It worked, even though I was in a toxic relationship, I was able to find joy little bits at a time. I’m talking about the smell of hot tea, snow flakes falling down during winter, the song from a bird in spring.
My snowflake right at this moment hearing the rain outside. Water is life giving. It nourishes and cleanse.