I have not always been good at setting boundaries. For a people pleaser it can be very hard to put your needs ahead of others but it must be done. I’ve come to learn that no one has your best interest in mind more than you. Not that everyone is deceitful but they’re human. This does not mean also that you have to be completely selfish. I love to give and I give when it is right with my soul. Now, let’s get back on track.
Recently I’ve had to say goodbye to a man I love. A man who has treated me better than any man ever has. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make. I posted a lot about grateful I was for him and it all was true. The love was real. The friendship was there. Never did I feel judged only loved. That being said, when one person is continually working to grow and evolve but the other person is not…
Without getting into his personal business, I knew I had to say goodbye or we would end up hating each other. After being in a toxic marriage, I saw the signs coming. There is only so much compassion and support that can be given before it turns to codependency. At some point people have to help themselves. Change can only occur when THEY decide to make the change. If they’re not going to do their part, no one else can help them, no matter how much you love them.
Part of me was hoping that breaking it off would kick him into gear to get his life together. I still had hope that we could end up together so I tried to be a friend. But boundaries were being crossed and we fought more in a week in a half than we did the year and half we were together. Soon I had to cut him off completely.
Last week I was so down and not with it. I was lagging at work and not focussed. I was also trying so hard to find a house to buy so I could just make a huge change. A big change will fix everything, right?! When I get that house I’ll put my focus on that, right?! Well, things will not fix us or make us truly happy. It wasn’t until I called a friend and admitted that I was angry did everything within me start to align again. I had the first full night sleep where I woke up feeling refreshed. Friday was the first day all week I felt truly productive. And this weekend I have been able to comfort and joy.
If someone is not respecting your boundaries, they are not respecting you. A person who complete respects you will recognize your boundaries and never ask you to adjust them to fit their needs. So set those boundaries and the more you set them and KEEP them, the easier it is to keep setting them. Now, you may have people walk out of your life but soon, you will have amazing people walk into your life.
Love yourself first. Because when you can do that, you can love others in a way that uplifts you both.